Husbands and the bathroom. Can you already guess where this is going?
We joke about this now, truly we do! There was a time though that we had to have the “discussion;” you know the one, the potty discussion. It completely bewildered me how someone could take so long to go to the bathroom. Like, HOW?!?
Maybe it’s because I’m a mom and there’s no such thing as “unrequited bathroom breaks” but it seriously tested my already thin patience when my husband would walk through the door and then proceed to spend the next 30+ minutes in the bathroom. Door shut and all. I would sit in amazement at how the girls would call for him and once they realized he was in the bathroom, would quickly shush each other and whisper “Daddy’s in the bathroom; we will have to wait.” Ummmmm, excuse me, this is just completely unfair! The same courtesy is never extended in the direction of this momma. So after pointing out this inequity and subsequent “no I don’t spend that long in the bathroom” reply; I took it upon myself to prove said point. I mean we can definitely go there…game on hubs, GAME ON!
I carefully planned out my approach and waited with anticipation to execute it over the next few days. The first day I set a timer as soon as he entered said bathroom. 32 minutes later he re-emerged. 32 freaking minutes later. He scoffed and said I had rigged the timer…yeah ok. The next day, I set the timer, then proceeded to text him every 2 minutes asking if he was done yet. I mean let’s just lay it out there…he was totally in there playing on his phone or reading the news. You know my theory is, if you actually have to go to the bathroom it doesn’t require your phone. Anyways, every two minutes. He would chuckle from inside the oasis of the bathroom and yell “NO not yet.”
Over the next few days I upped the ante because I had failed thus far at getting the point across. Aside from texting him every few minutes, I called out the dogs…wait no I mean the kids…the kids…I sent the kids to do all the things they do to me. You know what I’m talking about. “Daddy can I have a snack?” (banging on the door) “Daddy are you done yet?” (fingers underneath the door) “Daddy can I sing you a song?” (insert Frozen microphone and Let it Go being belted loud enough for the neighbors to hear) **side note: Let it Go is completely an appropriate song for the situation right?!?** “Daddy I need you to put this lego piece together” and so on and so on.
Some days there was frustration but mostly laughter. Surprisingly, the amount of time it took him to potty lessened every day. Uh imagine that?! At one point he exited to exclaim “gah there is such a thing as stage fright you know?!?” to which we both erupted into laughter.
The following week he would enter the throne room without his phone and low and behold he was in and out. VICTORY! Sweet, sweet victory. Man, it felt so good. I’m not rubbing it in or anything, no, I would NEVER do that.
So fellow moms out there, take a page from my book if you need to. Sometimes, I really think they don’t realize these things. Communication is key and this seriously was done in jest albeit proving my point at the same time. Since then, we’ve worked out a better “self-care” time for him instead of spending it on the commode ha! Even better, I now get to potty in silence BY MYSELF these days. Here’s to the parenthood!
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